Sunday, June 1, 2014

Serving God

Well, I have continued to climb up that mountain of faith. It has been a struggle sometimes, but I am doing it. I am writing about the journey, but I haven't been doing it here. I am feeling a little odd, actually. It is as though I have crossed a border and I am speaking a different language. I know there are those who will understand it, and receive it happily. Am I solely afraid to speak it out loud because of those who will say hey, she's gone off her rocker? Mmm, maybe. Maybe I am also becoming reluctant to speak because I have had to eat so many of my own words. It used to be so much easier when I had spoken them to only a few close friends. Now with the click of a mouse they can be sent out for people far and wide to read, and the weight of them can choke you.

I have started writing ... a different book. The novel is still there, and it still has some good things, but I am writing about my faith through my life, and of course Michaela's story is heavily included here because losing my daughter, spending decades not knowing where she is, has so greatly impacted every part of my life, including my faith. The new book is called Shifting Sand, by the way. This is a biblical reference, although I am not sure I intend the title in that same way. That might become more clear as I continue to write, since writing is one of the ways I work things out and find the answers to my own questions. But this world in which we live is made of shifting sand. One day everything seems so stable and set, and the next day you wake up and the whole landscape has shifted. What then?

Anyway, the following video is a bit of that other language for many. I am posting it actually as a message to myself. There is a lot more to this, things that I have been dealing with personally. Little things, actually, like awareness of myself when I am supposed to be worshipping God. I watched this video because it was, oddly enough, open on a page in my browser. I had posted one of Bob Sorge's videos on Michaela's website and had been browsing through his website the last time I was on, and somehow this video was left there for me to watch. At first I thought, oh this doesn't pertain to me, and was going to turn it off, when it started to grab my attention, and I realized in a different form it was the same thing I'd been thinking about. If I write my story, I need to keep in mind that people don't need to walk away saying, oh, poor Sharon, she really suffered, or even oh my, Sharon is a really good writer, lol. They need to walk away feeling touched in their own hearts, and I don't mean touched with sorrow for me or even for Michaela, but touched with healing for their hearts, and that not from me but from God. They need to say not how strong I am because I survived, but how good God is. They need to see his heart so he can help them survive.

You may not even want to watch the video if you are not in some sort of service to God or on behalf of God, because it is to those people it is directed. But if you are an outlander interested in what we crazy Christians are talking about, here are the basic definitions you need to know to understand this video. "The church" in the Bible does not refer to a denomination or a building, but to the body of all believers regardless of those things. The church is also referred to symbolically as the Bride of Christ. The video speaks to those who serve the church about what is in our hearts, and about whether after our ministry people are looking at us, or at the Lord. The symbolism of Jesus as the bridegroom and the church as the bride is very compelling in this regard. The bridegroom doesn't want his bride's attention diverted from him, you know? For those who do watch it, enjoy.